Heart Broken
by ReturntoZero1
Summary: L is learning to cope with Light's hideous rejection and is trying to find a way to end it all...L POV, Light POV, LxLight YAOI SPOILERS FOR L'S NAME!
1. Chapter 1

NOTE: I don't own anything and I know it sucks but whatever(TT^TT)… tell me if I should continue this…

L's POV

I…I never knew that love could hurt so much. My heart's desires have been crushed. Why couldn't I fall in love with someone else? I concur that it's because of my intelligence, and only they can see eye to eye with me. I can only wish that this pain ends soon and I can move on…

Sighing heavily I look to my right to see no one, missing the warmth and presence of the one I love. His name is Light, which fits him perfectly as his presence and enigma shine so bright, making even stars envious. I silently return to me prior position and sit quietly, staring blankly at the warm tea and strawberry cheese cake in front of me. Feeling no hunger, I touch the cool glass plate and push it aside, then grab the tea cup, it's surface slightly radiating a low heat, but not enough to warm me. Slowly bringing it to my lips I remorsefully remember my horrible mistake.

"_I HATE YOU! Wha-What made you think I would love YOU?! You disgusting piece of TRASH!"_

I stop as his voice filled my head, my heart stopping and my head giving a slight throb. My chest feels heavy and my eyes began to sting, I wish that I hadn't said anything, a small part of me hopes that it is just a dream and everything was okay. Without the chain attaching us together, he had swiftly left, with disgust on his face and a scowl plain in sight. I didn't think he would react so harshly, my confession would have been ignored and he would act as if nothing happened. I realize now that this small hope in my chest that has welled up during our time together was completely illogical, and my dream of being loved by someone was impossible. If I had just stayed quiet everything would have been fine, but my sudden advance has ruined any kind of bond I had with Light. Tears streamed down my face and I began to sob, my self-control lost. My throat became thick with agony and pain spread through out my body, making my limbs heavy with sadness. My heart ached for him; my sobs only grew louder as I realized my hopeless love. It was foolish of me to think that he could ever like someone like me. I began to rise, shivers racking my entire body as I lugged my legs torwards the 2nd floor bathroom.

I finally arrived, my legs numb and my sobs quieting down. I look in the mirror only to be reminded of my faults and mocked by my own appearance. I stare at myself noticing my eyes colored with a slight redness, tears staining my ghostly pale skin, my messy raven hair framing my face, lips pulling downward scowling at my own ugliness. My eyes travel south taking note of my skinny boney body, making my looked starved and the baggy clothes hanging of my frame as if they were held by almost nothing. I avert my attention and look under the sink, pulling out a small box filled with razors and band-aids. My thin spider-like fingers grasp the lock, unfastening it and pushing the lid off. My hand sinks in and pulls out a sharp cool blade. My body trembles, slowly positioning the razor above my wrist, as I shake from anticipation. With a quick swipe, the razor blade cuts my wrist swiftly and a sick smile blooms upon my face. This self-abuse gives me a sick, sweet satisfaction, relief washes over me and I feel okay just for a minute. But the relief fades and the pain begins to arise from my chest, flowing through me once again. The dread returns full on and my tears threaten to spill over once more. I give a sad sigh, and wonder how I could make all the pain go away…


	2. Chapter 2

NOTE: I think I should continue this so whatever… Still don't own anything TT^TT Oh and please review…

Light's POV

I have many _secrets_… I don't even know who _**I **_am anymore. Staring into a mirror only shows me what's skin deep, but as I fall into a world of dreams I begin to blossom into a dark and vile being… the only person who could see that was L… I wish I wasn't so bad, wish that I didn't have the responsibility to cleanse the world… I didn't think Ryuk was right about the whole 'Death Note only brings misery' thing until I met L. Yeah, he pissed me off by defying me and my position as God, but meeting him was so different. He understood all that I stood for, and understood everything I said. I was enthralled by the idea of finally having a friend I could relate to. As my confinement with him began, so did the journey of my inner-feelings. I began to see he wasn't as repulsive and ugly as I first thought, but really a dark beauty, and exotic beauty that intrigued me to no end… I was constantly focused on nothing but him, his intelligence and beauty capturing me into an unbreakable trance. As we grew closer, he began to fear for himself and his safety, which I understood, me being Kira and him being L. But he slipped up, and fell in love. What began as only admiring became an obsession, and his defenses came down so suddenly, scaring me with his straight forward-ness.

"_Light… Whatever happens I just want you to know that I-I think I -no… I love you…" _

I was amazed that he could love such an evil ugly being like me. But I failed to mention that I was unworthy of him… I failed to see how he could love me, and he deserved better. But he chose me… I was finally alive and happy but realized something… we could never be together… maybe Light and Ryuzaki, but never Kira and L. They couldn't co-exist, one would have to destroy the other and gain victory in their name. I could never hold that beauty and call him mine. I could never love him, kiss him and hold him until I die. He deserved so much better… I had felt anger, how dare he give into a skin deep appearance, I felt **cheated**, _betrayed. _I can't let him love me… even if I wished it to be. He then suddenly pulled me into a chaste kiss, brushing my lips with his own so softly, making me long for him even more. And as his arms began to slide around my neck, I felt a heat gather under my stomach beginning to set a small flame of passion. I remembered my misery, and pushed him away roughly, wiping my lips with the back of my fist. The darker part of me filled into my veins and surged within me and screamed, _"I HATE YOU! Wha-What made you think I would love YOU?! You disgusting piece of TRASH!" _My words were full of lies. I saw his eyes cloud over and could no longer read him. I just made a horrible mistake, I never wanted to hurt my angel, my beautiful little angel, but I couldn't help my dark side. His black silky locks curtained over his eyes and his nimble lithe hands to the chain giving of a light chime as he un-did the chain. I relished at the feeling of my wrist being lighter and left home immediately.

During my walk home I began to feel a weigh press on my chest as my thoughts drifted to L and his eyes, blocking me from entering his thoughts. Was he lying? Was he telling the truth? I began to ponder and thought of my good times with L seeing his rare smile and softly hear his light-hearted chuckles float to my ears. I began to feel more misery as I walk into my house, feeling no appetite and head up to my room. Closing the door with a soft click I collapse on my bed. My eyes sting as I realize that L was probably lying and he didn't love me. I drown in my own sorrows and feel lost within my own mind. I look into my mirror placed behind my door and saw a boy, sad and lonely in his room with lost hopes and dreams. I began to erode on the inside. I could feel the pain slowly pump through my veins, making me unable to move, unable to breath. My heart beats and with it sharp pains stab through it, bringing tears to my eyes and they spill over cascading down my face. I look away, unable to look at myself in my true form. I just wish the pain would all go away…


	3. Chapter 3

Note: This might get confusing…sorry (_')

Lawliet speaking: _Italics_

L speaking: Normal

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! Now onward with the story!

Recap: With a quick swipe, the razor blade cuts my wrist swiftly and a sick smile blooms upon my face. This self-abuse gives me a sick, sweet satisfaction, relief washes over me and I feel okay just for a minute. But the relief fades and the pain begins to arise from my chest, flowing through me once again. The dread returns full on and my tears threaten to spill over once more. I give a sad sigh, and wonder how I could make all the pain go away…

L's POV

I begin to clean up the mess I've made, hoping that Watari won't find out to what I've done. He loves me like a son, and I wish him no harm… In fact, I owe my entire life to him, he gave me a chance to express my talents and become important. I know he meant well when he created 'L' but its side-effects may prove to outweigh my self-esteem and stability. I don't want to disappoint him, but I may just crack under the life-time of pressure…

_I knew I would die at a young age…_

_My life, a sad song with no happy ending, playing its sad melody to its composer, reflecting the true feelings of a person… My life's climax: death. And the melody will continue as I will fade out of this existence, and the world knows nothing of my death, no one to shed tears for me… to simply put it, I am nothing…_

_Lawliet…_

_Lawliet wishes to speak the words of his heart, reach out to someone and tell the sad story of his life, but he can't. He mustn't. It is a sign of weakness and any form of emotion is a weakness. L can do it, but Lawliet can't… two personas trapped in one body. One born, the other created, both in love with __**Light**__. In a moment of weakness Lawliet spoke out, reaching out to get help, to empty his heart, replace the hurt with joy and blissful feeling... _

_The love of his life Light Yagami… his charming smile and beautiful appearance did strike me, but it was his eyes, a beautiful hue of hazel that spoke out his intelligence, his creativity, and his passion. As I approached him, fluttering feelings would overcome me, and I began admiring him for he wasn't the usual. But I am so different in a BAD way, being called ugly and creepy; I feared he would look at me with disgust on his features, evidently showing his presence was disturbed by mine. But he smiled and said a quiet 'Hello" to me._

_As we grew closer, I began to see that he didn't mind me, and that he considered me a friend... just a __**friend**__. But I tried to stop these feelings welling up in my heart, to stop the immediate happiness and joy that filled me when he smiled at me. But as soon as I saw his girlfriend Amane, I became jealous and bitter hearted. And L kept me from scowling at her, glaring at her whenever she clinged to Light. But it really wasn't her that I was jealous of, just that she had what I wanted. Light's love… _

_I knew I would never achieve to conquer his heart, or even get past 'friends' and it hurt me, the small twinge in my heart that pulled and the tears that pricked at the ends of my eyes because I knew it was impossible. That he would never see anything other than a smart freak. But when I would fall asleep, I would dream the most wonderful things. That he would proclaim his love for me, that he would look at me lovingly and kiss my face gently as he entwined his hand in mine and speak sweet nothings into my ears… How I wished… but this hurt so much as I wake up from the dream, waking in despair that only in my dreams would that happen, that it would never become a reality. But I began to wish for a cold, silent forever-lasting sleep that would take my away and never give me life… _

_But as he reached out, the person he loved turned away form him, leaving him hanging, __**struggling**__ for life. Lawliet died… he couldn't hold on to a life full of pain and regret. His soul cursed and dammed to a life of sadness, even in the afterlife. Only L lived, to be a shell, to pretend everything was alright…_

As I looked into the mirror, I saw a boy, sad and lonely...and when he looked at you, his eyes where empty, with no will to live… I picked my self up, my wrist spilling over with a beautiful crimson red, staining my shirt and dripping onto the floor. My hearing gets acute as the buzzing of the lights begins to get louder. I look down and realize that the once few drops of red became a small puddle of crimson. My vision blurs and fades out, and my lips pull upwards into a small smile as I whisper softly, _"Sorry."_

Note- Please review and tell me if I should continue this…


	4. Chapter 4

Note: I don't own anything!

Recap: I could feel the pain slowly pump through my veins, making me unable to move, unable to breath. My heart beats and with it sharp pains stab through it, bringing tears to my eyes and they spill over cascading down my face. I look away, unable to look at myself in my true form. I just wish the pain would all go away…

Light's POV

_Soft cries._

_L…don't go…_

_I'm sorry…I love you…_

I woke up in a sweat, my face feeling hot and my vision blurred as I realize the hot tears flowing down my face, glistening on my cheeks. My heart throbs painfully and the stinging pain returns and stabs at my heart with each beat it makes. My throat is dry and scratchy as I swallow grief and sadness, suffocating me with **unwanted** feelings.

I began to recall my bone-chilling dream, which has put me in such a pitiful state. It was unlike anything I've ever experienced, a sort of _out-of-body_ experience that haunted me and made my toes curl, my heart sink and scared me to no end. Like an animal trapped in a cage with its captor hovering over, threatening it silently…

**Trapped**.

That's exactly how I felt… trapped in a web of madness, chaos and **misery**. A lot of innocent souls got trapped in my web of destruction… the task force…the FBI agents… L. I never thought that what I was doing was evil. I thought I could achieve perfection and cleanse the world for good, not destroy it with my corrupt ways… L's way of justice is true** justice**! I was foolish to think other wise! I thought I was **perfect**, I thought I could do it! But I realize that no one's perfect… defiantly not me. My life full of lies, my heart filled with holes, and finally myself being full of _flaws_.

My dream was quite simple, I was invisible. No one could see me, and I couldn't touch them. But I realized that L was alone in the bathroom, with his eyes tinted a bright red, his tears streaming down his face and choked sobs coming out in quick spurts. His body shook with every sob, making him appear fragile and alone. I looked into the mirror I saw his eyes filled with hurt, sadness, despair, and grief. His eyes showed me his entire life, showing his hardships and the pressure, the will to live no longer apparent. His eyes showed a sort of _hopeless-ness_ that continued to grow and well up inside.

Finally his sobs quieted down and he looked away from the mirror, scowling as he did so, putting his attention to something under the sink and fishing his hand to reach for something. He stops and proceeds to swiftly pull out his arm, showing a medium sized blade reflecting of the light, almost glowing. His hands begin to twitch and shake as he extends his free hand and lightly places the blade on his pale, milky skin. He quickly swipes his arm across, a **sick smile** blooms on his face and he lets out a content sigh, his eyes flutter till they completely shut close as the cut begins to bleed, his now white wrist stains with a bright red. The wound is quite deep as more blood begins to spill out, spilling onto the floor and making a mess. His smile disappears as his face suddenly takes a more sullen look and tears begin to gather at the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over once more.

He seems unaware and deep in thought and his face suddenly contorts into a pained look as the tears begin to fall and he silently cries, echoing off the walls, and he gets louder and louder. He finally opens his eyes once again, but they are different… they are **hollow**, as if no one is living and they just sit there, letting life pass them by.

He takes a quick glance at the mirror looking into it once again, his eyes trying to read himself. He began to straighten out trying to rebuild himself, and I see him truly. He has a broken heart with shattered pieces scattered across his life and now that they've fallen out of their pedestal, and he begins to try to pick them up, rushing to put himself back together. His life had finally _fallen_ apart…

I feel guilt settle inside my chest, the weight press down on my heart proving me guilty of being a monster, **proving** that I only _hurt_ those I love. I begin to feel my eyes begin to sting as I weakly choke out a sob. I never wanted to hurt me little L, my beautiful little angel… he doesn't deserve a monster like me, he needs someone who could truly love him whole-heartedly and take care of him… I reach out for him trying to touch him and I faze right through him. I scream and shout but he doesn't hear my cries, and his face becomes very white as he looks down on the ground and his eyes dilate. I peer over and notice a small puddle of crimson blood pooling around L's cut hand and he turns to me and smiles.

'_Sorry…'_

I felt so hopeless… I couldn't believe that it was only a dream… I don't think it is. It felt too real, and the feelings haven't faded, they haven't left me with the relief that shows it was only a dream. I spring forward, jumping out of bed and pulling on my old clothes from the day before. Now is not the time to be vain, I honestly think something is wrong. I bust out of my room, running down the stairs and opening the front door, the chill rolls in and hits my face, making my shiver momentarily. I brush it aside, fear welling up in my throat and pulsing in my veins. My movements become rapid and fluent as I take long strides to reach the building, and as I come my heart beats faster hoping that these sick feelings are just false alarms and that L is okay… 


	5. Chapter 5

NOTE: I don't own anything! I'm sorry! And thank you everyone for reviewing and supporting my story!

L's POV

_Darkness…_

_Everlasting Sleep…_

_Happiness… is found in __**Death**__._

I feel nothing. I hear nothing. I continue to think about him, my Light. Even in death I love him. But now, I can imagine him holding me in his arms, laughing softly in my ear, smiling with such brilliance that he is like an **angel**. An angel that beckons me to leave this miserable life. Who welcomes me with strong, gentle hold that keeps me _asleep_.

I look back on my life and there are so many regrets… I have **failed** as L, I am **responsible** for so many deaths, I have **failed **Watari as a son, and I have **failed** justice… I can't fathom why my heart begins to beat softly, and why tears prick the ends of my eyes even in _death…_

My mind begins to put together a slide-show of my memories as I begin to remember my child-hood and my teenage years, putting fort a picture to my eyes as if I were watching a movie. I see myself at 4, crying and whining to Watari about my bruises, at 15 when I remember my first successors A and B, at 18 when I become L, and finally 26 when I met Light Yagami at the café with a light smile playing on his face…

The show takes a drastic turn as I remember A's suicide, B's 3 gruesome murder scenes and finally, the scowl on Light's face to my proclamation of love… They have put dominoes up, each one lined up perfectly, in my life of the regret I felt, but I continued stacking… Light's domino had accidentally fallen out of my hand, tipping over and causing me to drop the rest, making me finally turn back and notice the damage I have done…

_I hate __**myself.**_

I begun to realize my life has done no good, who was I to say what **justice** was? Who believed that I could continue to go after criminals and give them death penalty or life in prison? Each is a method of torture one swift the other, time consuming… Who am I to say who's _right_ or who's _wrong_? …Who am **I**?

L had died as well, giving the climax of his story, his melancholy song dancing through the air, filling the room with despair and misery. Lawliet and L… L and Lawliet… Aren't they one body, so why couldn't they live in harmony? Could a body even contain 2 souls? Yes one maybe created, but everyone is, they learn and create themselves as they grow, giving an individual statement about themselves…Does that mean that I am both L and Lawliet?

_My mind creates an even deeper hole of misery, feeling a sharp pain pierce my chest, my throat tightening once again at the thought of my regrets, my faults and my dreams…_

I continue to drown in my thoughts of what I've done and who exactly am I… I feel my mind continue to work and throb with pain as I continue to ask questions, continue to wonder when I looked in the mirror, who was _looking back_? L? Or _Lawliet_?

With all the time I had, I finally figured out who I was. I was simply…

**L Lawliet**.

My life dealing with both problems, an inner-conflict that had never been separate… I had learned and said both their stories, still the same sad person who needed to find a reason to live…A reason to look at **life**, and find it beautiful, instead of gazing at **death**'s wish. I realize that with my act of cowardice, I had let down so many people… Mello…Matt…Near…Watari… and finally Light. I love **Light**, even in _death_. He is the best thing that has happened to me. I need him to see me for who I truly am, not just L, he needs to meet Lawliet too, and see that I'm not just a detective. I'm also a person with feelings too. And Kira, I need to show him that he hasn't won just yet, that I can be strong too and face him without any fear!

I begin to feel myself being lifted, but I begin to stir, my heart starting up again as my hearing dully returns. Loud sobbing is echoing off the walls and broken sentences flows through the air and hitting my ears. I begin to slowly open my eyes to see a bright light shining and slowly blurring into focus.

I see the ceiling.

I notice a warm body grasping me oh so gently, hysteric muttering being spoken softly to me. With a flick of their strong hand they caresses the back of my head, supporting it and tangling their fingers into my ruly black hair. I moan as I begin to feel the pain of my throbbing head and my heavy regret begin to get slightly stronger and pull me out of my thoughts.

I try to respond to the hug but my limbs feel numb. I try to speak and my voice comes out in a horse whisper. _'Hey…'_ The body caressing me stops and stiffens. They pull back swiftly and force me to look at them. _'…Light?' _His body shakes slightly as his sobs quiet down. His face is stained with tears and his eyes are a bright red, which I assume, are from crying a lot. His eyes swirl with despair, but they are pulled from their dark hue to a lighter, happier hue. His eyes shine with life as he begins to cry again, holding me tightly in his grasp.

_'I'm sorry L… your not disgusting. I thought I lost you L!'_ , he screams out. He continues, _'I'm so sorry L… I love you, but you deserve the world L. You deserve better! You shouldn't go with me! I am just a silly teenage boy with an ego problem!'_ My face reddens and I feel the warmth build up in my cheeks. I silently wonder why would he reject me if he loved me? Only is he was… I take in a breath and hoarsely reply, _'Light you are all that I need. But if you doubt yourself are you… are you Kira?'_

_Note: Cliff-hanger! Oh nooes! Well, I think I just got struck by writer's block! (TT_TT) BTW this is my longest chapter yet!_


	6. Chapter 6

Note: I had gotten over my writer's block a few days ago, just that my personal life just took a sharp left and I had to fix it so, thank you for your patience! I feel the need to say this… I don't own anything… and thank you everyone who is reviewing! I really appreciate it!!!

Recap: I bust out of my room, running down the stairs and opening the front door, the chill rolls in and hits my face, making my shiver momentarily. I brush it aside, fear welling up in my throat and pulsing in my veins. My movements become rapid and fluent as I take long strides to reach the building, and as I come my heart beats faster hoping that these sick feelings are just false alarms and that L is okay…

Light's POV

I reach the doors of the Task Force building, but the sickening feeling in my chest only making my heart sink more and more. As my hand extends to reach the handle, fear and anticipation well up in my throat, making it tight once more. I enter the room; my heart drowns in misery as the air is stained with death's loneliness and emptiness. I follow my dream's path, and I run to the elevator, enter hastily, and quickly press the 2nd floor button. After some lag, the doors finally open as I continue my path to find L…

Panic rises in my chest at the eerie silence that fills the room, my face glistens with the cold sweat of guilt as I arrive at the door to the 2nd floor bathroom. A heavy suspense hangs in the air making me feel suffocated and crushed. I notice the door is slightly open and my hand reaches to push it, but my panic and fear rise into my throat and make it unbearable. The door opens with a loud creak, filling the air with noise only for a second, before returning to the uncomfortable silence.

_The smell of __**death**__ is fresh in the air,_

_The sight of a fallen angel captivates me._

_But the angel lies __**dead**__ in the room, _

_Its beautiful crimson blood stains its image._

_L's beauty lasts even in __**death**__,_

_But his face contorted in pain,_

_Makes this both wonderful_

_And __horrible__._

I gaze upon the heap of limbs on the floor, broken beautifully, and realize L's dead. My chest is hit with a sharp pain, similar to the one before I went to sleep. With every pump of my heart's pain spills out, making me yearn for death to relieve me of this pain and reunite me with my love. I suddenly remember Ryuk's words, _'The human who uses the death note will neither go to heaven or hell.'_ My face pulls into a deep scowl. I guess I'll never be able to be with L…

My chest is hit with another, stronger wave of pain. My heart calls out for L, begging for his love, but none is found. I begin to spiral into to madness, not wanting L to be dead, my heart refusing to stop loving him, and my pain never-ending. I begin to cry quietly, but it soon escalates into full blown sobbing. My body shakes as I give choked sobs and try to stop the flow of emotions.

_Sadness._

_Pain._

_**Love?**_

_Despair._

I reach out for him, and clutch his slightly cold body, running my fingers through his soft hair. His soft scent of strawberries is mixed with a heavy smell of blood, making my eyes sting once more. His body, limp in mine is such a strange feeling, but I begin to laugh softly, I finally have him in my arms.

"_You're so beautiful… I never wanted you to do this… don't be dead…I love you… you're so cold… such a pretty little angel… I've won… but I've lost… I need you… Why don't you answer…?"_

I softly sigh as I cradle him in my arms, caressing his body with my hands, tracing invisible circles on his lower back. My darker self begins to corrupt my heart, making my ears ring with the noise of laughter and loud crying, and I begin to relish in his death. He could have been my goddess if he wished. We would have created a beautiful world, filled with only good people and no crime…

My eyes slip flutter to a close as I think about my times with L. Through thick and thin he has stayed with me, even though I am Kira he still stays. I love him. I love everything about him. His looks, his quirks, his persona, his intelligence, everything. Everything… I love him when his smile as much as I love his tears. I wish how I could have told him. I wish that he wasn't L and I wasn't Kira. I wish we were only lovers, entwined by our love, a magic that not even the most corrupt darkness could change. A slight stir and a soft moan pulls me out of my thoughts.

"…_Light?"_

My breath catches in my throat as my eyes begin to water and instead of dread… happiness flows into my veins, making life _wonderful._

"_I'm sorry L… your not disgusting. I thought I lost you L!'_ I scream out. My happiness uplifts me as I begin to speak, my heart beating and making me tell him what he should know! _'I'm so sorry L… I love you, but you deserve the world L. You deserve better! You shouldn't go with me! I am just a silly teenage boy with an ego problem!'_ I mentally chuckle, my pride was hurt at my own remark, but I wanted L to know everything.

His face is colored a beautiful shade of red, contrasting beautifully with his porcelain white skin, making the crimson stand out. His face changes drastically into a serious look and his black pools of obsidian gaze deeply into mine, making my shiver oh so slightly. He takes in a long breath and exhales quickly. He finally replies,_ 'Light you are all that I need. But if you doubt yourself are you… are you Kira?'_

Guilt begins to fill my body as my throat tightens and I become stiff. Am I really Kira? _Or am I Light?_ My mind is sent into turmoil, my thoughts becoming a jumbled mess as I try to reply. I begin to think, should he really know everything? I sigh and begin, _'And what if I was Kira? Would you still love me?'_

I screw my eyes shut and I braced myself for the on-coming rejection.

'_Light…Didn't your hear me before…I need you…Even if I wanted to stop loving you I couldn't.'_

I open my eyes in shock, looking at him with confusion clearly present. Anger fills me, why is L doing this? He probably still thinks I'm innocent! My voice returns with a newfound force, _'But L…I am Kira… I'm a monster, a __**MURDERER**__! How could you love such a fiend like me?!'_

'_I honestly don't know.' _He chuckles then continues,_ 'Light I never understood love. But all I need is you. And I think that your intentions were good, but you just took it in the wrong direction.' _He smiles warmly at me making my heart flutter and my face heat up with embarrassment.

I begin to laugh. Not an evil, maniacal laugh, but a light-hearted laugh. My happiness is evident in my voice as it bounces off the walls and fill the room with joy. Soon, L joins in with his own melodic laughter, the sounds mixing and creating a whole symphony of joy. And just for a moment, life is truly _beautiful._

Note: Did you like? Please review to let me know!


	7. Chapter 7

Note: Hello again! Umm… thank you to everyone who has reviewed or is even reading this story! I don't own anything or else Death Note would be a yaoi! (OvO)

Recap:_ ''Light I never understood love. But all I need is you. And I think that your intentions were good, but you just took it in the wrong direction.' _He smiles warmly at me making my heart flutter and my face heat up with embarrassment. I begin to laugh. Not an evil, maniacal laugh, but a light-hearted laugh. My happiness is evident in my voice as it bounces off the walls and fill the room with joy. Soon, L joins in with his own melodic laughter, the sounds mixing and creating a whole symphony of joy. And just for a moment, life is truly _beautiful._

_-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-_

Light's POV

After our laughing had ceased I had tended to L's self-inflicted wound. I realized that there were scars littered upon his left arm, some old, others looking more recent. Turning on the sink, I cleaned his wounds with cool water, and then used disinfectant to clean out his wound. I lifted his small wrist and bandaged the series of deep cuts that were presented across his wrist. Accidentally, I grazed his hand, and I feel my face heat up with embarrassment. He begins to chuckle softly at my embarrassment and smiles at me once again. I begin to wonder, where will this put us now?

'_Ummm…Ryu-I mean L, if we both like each other then, what does that make us?'_ I question softly. He smiles even wider and cutely says, _'Well Light-kun, I would believe that when 2 people like each other they start a relationship.' _My face heats up once more at the thought of me and L being together. Never in my life had I had strong feelings about someone like I do for L. My heart begins to beat faster, so fast that I could practically hear it!

After wrapping his wounds, I smile proudly at my neat work. I turn to him and notice that crimson red blood stains the floor, sticking to it and beginning to create a crust. I sigh and quickly jump to my feet, glancing side to side for a towel. Instead, I find L gazing at me with such a loving and warm look, I feel like I'll melt. I finally ask, _'What?'_

He gives me a smile of faux innocence quietly stating, _'Light-kun hasn't objected to the idea of us being together. I'm just happy that you don't think I'm disgusting.' _He chuckles softly and strides towards me, his arms giving a slight hesitation before lifting and wrapping themselves around my torso. My face heats up in an instant, and my mind begins to picture…dirty things. Unfortunately, the embrace ended as soon as it began. L lifts his arms once again and removes them from my torso, only to clutch his stomach. _'Light-kun, I'm hungry!' _L whines. A smile returns to my face and I respond, _'Ha ha, okay L, we'll get you something to eat.'_

-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-

_Love._

_Happiness._

_Ecstasy._

_Euphoria._

I had given L a slice of strawberry cheesecake and he immediately dug into the cake, getting white and pink frosting around his mouth and on his fingers. He finished the cake in record time and he began to suck loudly on the tips of his fingers, cleaning them of any frosting left behind.

My mind drifts back to his scars and I can't help but worry. Where they self-induced? Did someone hurt him? Are we in a relationship? Will he open up to me? Will he execute me? I become lost, and a small twinge of hopelessness begins to fill my heart, making my head sting with pain, drowning in my own pool of questions. I look up at L and the want to ask grows with each passing second. I sigh deeply and call out, _'L?' _His head looks up at the source of noise, but he stays quiet. I feel a lump in my throat and try to swallow, but continue, _'… I saw your scars. L, I need to know, where did you get them?'_

_Silence._

The room grew still and L's eyes clouded over, leaving his body here but taking his mind somewhere else. His body was clearly tense, making his muscles stiff and his back straight. I continued to look into his eyes and they briefly showed misery, sadness and despair. His eyes began to water slightly and he began to tremble. His face contorted into sadness just broke my heart, and I felt guilty for making him suffer. I stood up quickly and strode to him swiftly, wrapping my arms around his torso and hugging him tightly. He immediately reacted by clutching my shirt in his hands and burying his face into my chest and sobbing quietly.

We sat together alone in the room, soft sobs breaking the silence every so often. I began to stroke L's hair, tangling my hand in his soft black locks and humming a soft lullaby to soothe him. Once his sod finally stopped, I pulled back, but not breaking the embrace, and looked at his eyes.

_He finally returned._

He stared back at me, a slight nervous smile playing on his face, and he finally answered, _'Light, I hurt myself. I didn't mean to it's just…it helped make the pain go away…' _His eyes focused on anything but my face, showing his shame for his self-inflicted wounds. My eyes stung, but I bit back tears, knowing just how L was feeling and remembering my own craves for death…

I had always been fascinated with death. How it was distributed, and the many ways of dieing. How _Death_ was not biased by money and fame. It's only natural to resist death, but it is inevitable. Cutting had nothing to do with 'controlling your fate' or 'hurting for attention'. Well, maybe that's why other might do it, but not me. No, I _loved_ the feeling of relief that washed over, being **better** than any drug you could find.

But just like a high you get from drugs, you always have a crash. That crash is what makes you continue to cut, to cut more and explore deeper into the skin, and finding a higher pleasure with every deepening cut. That makes you think and wonder when you finally get the nerve to kill yourself; how good would it feel? Would you _die_ soaring?

I looked at L with pity, I had longed for death too, for an eternal sleep that gives my last dieing breaths some meaning. I remember locking myself in my room and getting out a blade and lifting it to my wrist. My hands, trembling with anticipation of my plans, and yearning for the relief that came with it. I never was able to make the first cut. I was always too scared, too afraid to loose myself in something so beautiful. I never cut, but I would always try. I would hold the blade above my wrist, wanting to cut, but I never did.

I strolled for 18 years lost and alone. No one understood me. No one understood my longing for death, my will to die. I began to create a new world so that people could live happily and that they didn't need to worry. The good would be rewarded and the bad would die. There was only one problem with my plan.

_I would never be happy._

I had begun creating my new world anyway, but when I met L, I had changed. I began to love L, for his strength, for his intelligence, for his justice! I loved everything about him, his body, his mind, his soul! I never felt happiness in my life, my heart would relish in the fact that I could relate to him, that I wouldn't have to lie with empty eyes and a fake smile. His beauty was exotic and dark, making me interested and infatuated. I never thought he was ugly; in fact, he was the most beautiful person that I had ever seen.

_L… he's my angel._

L sharply inhales, blinking back tears as they threaten to spill over and continues, _'Light…I'm sorry. I know I need to stop but I don't know how…please…help?'_ I smile warmly at him, pulling him closer to me and saying, _'Don't worry L…I'll help you. We can beat this together…I love you.'_ He looks up in shock, and smiles, but tears spill over and make his eyes glisten with light. He laughs, but his face falls as he becomes serious once again.

He begins to pull away, but I stop him, wondering why L was struggling._ 'L, why are you pulling away? What's wrong?' _I shout. He looks into my eyes and finally replies, _'How can I trust you? You're Kira!'_ I frown and hold him close. I finally scream, _'L…I'll stop. You can take away the Death Note, put me in confinement, and interrogate me all you want but please! I love you! Please just trust me!'_ He stops struggling and stays still. After moments of waiting, he relaxed and leaned against my chest. With a deep breath he replies, _'Light…I trust you…but just don't abuse it.'_ I sigh and reply,

_'Thank you L. You won't be let down.'_


	8. Chapter 8

Note: Hello again! Here is a toast to the 8th chapter! I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

_Recap: 'How can I trust you? You're Kira!'_ I frown and hold him close. I finally scream, _'L…I'll stop. You can take away the Death Note, put me in confinement, and interrogate me all you want but please! I love you! Please just trust me!'_ He stops struggling and stays still. After moments of waiting, he relaxed and leaned against my chest. With a deep breath he replies, _'Light…I trust you…but just don't abuse it.'_ I sigh and reply,

_'Thank you L. You won't be let down.'_

_EDIT: Ah I forgot to say, but this chapter id dedicated to wonderlustwish for breaking the code in my story 'Sad Tears and Silence!' I hope you all like this!  
_

-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-

Light's POV

_3 weeks later…_

It's been three weeks since me and L's relationship, and I have never been happier in my entire life. L is so beautiful, his body, his mind, even his soul. Since that day, I have been in euphoria, my heart leaping and fluttering when I see him, and my lips pull upward anytime he is around.

I pull out of me reminiscing, and I look over at L, who is typing away on his computer, humming softly and smiling. I begin to gaze at my little L, admiring, his exotic beauty and a smile blooms on my face. He then turns to me and I blush, embarrassed at the fact that I was caught staring.

L smiles at me and gracefully gets up, shuffling towards me and motions me to stand as well. I follow and wonder; what L is doing. He grabs my hand and entwines our fingers together.

_A perfect fit…_

I feel his soft skin touching my own skin and his warmth radiating off him. He begins to pull me, leading me to the doors of the Task force building. I begin to looks back on the last three weeks.

I would stay with him at the building, and follow him up to his room. We would kiss and embrace, and doze of into a blissful sleep, our bodies and hearts entwined by love. Every morning I would wake up, seeing his beautiful face relaxed and at peace. I would caress him softly, playing with his hair or brushing his face with my fingers. I would feel his warm body pressed against mine, relishing at the physical contact.

When we were alone, we would share butterfly kisses and ghostly brushes, laughing and giggling the whole time. I would take in his sweet strawberry scent, always a light scent that never overwhelmed me, but made me obsessed.

_Falling deeper…_

I notice the bright light, and I shield my eyes, letting my eyes adjust to the new light. I turn to L, still holding his hand, and I open my mouth. He giggles softly and I smile, slight warmth spreads across my face. 'L, where are we going?' L's smooth voice breaks the silence, 'Anywhere you want. I just want to spend time with you.' A tint of crimson splashes across his face and he diverts his gaze to the floor, a smile still playing on his lips.

_In love…_

'How about the bakery?' His head snaps up and his eyes sparkle with happiness, he nods quickly and proceeds to walk to the small bakery.

-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-

Once we arrived at the bakery, L lets go of my hand and pushes the door open, and practically runs inside. I clench my hand, missing his warmth and soft skin brushing against mine and I follow him inside.

_Feeling you…_

The smell of bread and sugar fill the air, making me frown slightly. Chattering and slamming fill my ears; the sounds are so loud that my ears deafen a little. I find L already ordering up front a small strawberry cheesecake and paying. He skips happily with his package, once again linking our hands and taking me outside.

I follow obediently and he takes me to a park, filled with the laughter and delighted voices of children. We stop at a table and sit; L begins to open the box and takes a pre-cut slice of cake. I stare at him eating the cake, his eyes flutter to a close and a smile spreads across his face. He moans out of pure ecstasy, and licks his fingers clean of any left-over cake.

I begin to blush and L looks so beautiful. The sun already tainting the sky orange and red, a small breeze hits my skin and I feel my heart leap in joy. L finally opens his beautiful onyx eyes and glances at me, a mischievous smile settling on his face. My heart races as he pulls close to me, merely brushing his lips against mine in a chaste kiss, making me crave for his lips and love.

I embrace his lithe frame, keeping him close and giving him a deeper kiss. I inhale and take in his scent, his sugar and strawberry scent still light, but I become intoxicated. I begin to want a taste, and I lick his lips, asking for entrance.

_All around me…_

He accepts and parts his lips, and I become aware of the sweetness of his strawberry cake, but I taste something else, something more natural and satisfying. My senses come alive as he begins to trace light circles on my back, and I finally pull away for air.

_My hands are searching for you,_

We both are breathing heavily, both in a blissful daze from the kiss. My lips still tingle and I still feel his lips on mine. I smile goofily and we continue to touch and mingle, everything fading away and leaving us in our secret place…

_And angels begin to sing…_

-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-

Returning to the task-force building, I see Ryuk in the distance, floating in the distance and coming closer to us. I begin to worry and my heart sinks; why is Ryuk here? I notice the annoying blonde haired girl I called a girlfriend Misa, but her eyes glowed red and shined with hatred and disgust.

We begin to cross the street and I keep my eyes on them, I couldn't pull my eyes away for some reason. Misa's face lights up and I see a smile pull on her face and my heart sinks even deeper.

A car horn blares loudly next to me; I twist my neck around and open my mouth to scream. A sharp force hits my back, and I realize that I am on the ground, completely safe and sound. I sit up in terror, my heart racing and my throat tightening.

L is on the floor, gasping in pain, clutching his side, but a brilliant red begins to stain his white shirt. I begin to panic and try to stop the bleeding, and blood begins to spill over from his mouth. Tears spill over and stain his angelic face, and he struggles to breathe.

I clutch his hand and entwine our fingers once more, my mind knowing he's doomed, by my heart beating with hope.

_This can't be happening,_

My vision begins to blur and I begin to sob. My body shakes and I hold L close to me, inhaling his soft scent of strawberries and sugar, bringing more tears to my eyes and my heart twists painfully. I feel L's breathing slowing down and I hold him tighter, trying to make him stay.

'L..ig..ht…'L gasps out, spiting out more blood and couching softly.

My chest tightens and I try to focus with my blurry vision, my eyes adjusting and L's face comes into view. I nod, not trusting my voice to answer him. He coughs and more wine red blood comes out, smearing his hand and making me cringe.

His voice becomes low and he gasps, 'Li...ght…Don't worry…I'm happy…I wish…I wished I could have more time…to love you…but I'm happy just being with you…' He goes into a fit of coughs, gasping and trying to hold on.

His words made my heart clench in pain, it's my fault. My fault that he is dying. My fault that he's in pain.

_Angels have no thought,_

I closed my eyes, no longer wanting to see L in pain, not wanting to see L broken before him.

'Li…ght. Please…stay with me…till I have left this world…'

I open my eyes and fresh tears spill over, and I nod silently. I hold him and cradle his dying form, caressing him in his last moments. With his final breath he calls out, 'I love you Light…'

_Of ever returning you…_

**Silence.**

I begin to scream, to let my anguish be heard and my despair ring through the deafening silence. I continue to cradle L's dead corpse, I even rock slightly, as if I'm lulling him into a blissful sleep. Tears fall with no self-restraint and I feel my chest crushing with the weight of guilt heavy on my heart.

With every beat, with every pump of my heart, my body becomes heavy and I feel a sharp pain spread through me, gathering around my heart.

_I just can't let go…_

I stroke his hair; I caress his soft skin and his beautiful body, and I inhale his scent one last time, the sugar and strawberries fading away into nothing.

I feel like my heart has shattered, broken into a million pieces and stabbing my chest, throbbing with every breath, with every beat of what's left of my heart.

A smile sadly and swallow hard, feeling a bitter taste settle in my mouth.

_My heart and I have decided to end it all._

-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-


	9. Chapter 9

Note: Hi! This is the 'last' chapter to 'Heart Broken', but I'll either do an alternate ending or an epilogue depending on what you guys want…just tell me by either PM or reviews!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything! And some of the lyrics of 'Gloomy Sunday' by Sarah McLachlan were used! I still don't own anything!

_Recap_: A smile sadly and swallow hard, feeling a bitter taste settle in my mouth.

_My heart and I have decided to end it all._

-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-

Light's POV

_3 days later…_

I feel nothing. I have become numbed by L's death. Nothing seems to matter anymore…L...my angel has left me, leaving me alone in this horrid world. I haven't left my room since the funeral.

I can't get the feeling of his blood off my hands, the sticky warm blood staining my hands, my soul, forever haunting me… my limbs are heavy with grief, my head hanging in shame.

_I don't deserve to live…_

I haven't slept in days…my dreams become nightmares that constantly mock me and fill my heart with grief and despair. But those aren't the worst dreams. No, the dreams that are horrible are the happy ones. They lull me into a state of bliss, reminding me of L's soft skin and his rosy pink lips that always pulled up into a smile, making my heart race and my stomach flip in delight.

Then, I awake from my dream; my heart sinking in despair and my eyes will sting and tear up. I wish…for an eternal sleep. A sleep that will pull me and hold me, keeping me trapped in its comforting warmth.

I pull out of my dazed state and I get up, ignoring my hunger and the slight pain growing once again in my chest. I drag my feet to the door and touch the dusty cold handle and lead myself into the bathroom. I gaze into my reflection and stare into my own eyes, noticing my once beautiful hazel dulling and losing the light that would shine in them.

_L was __**my**__ light…_

I notice the bags that have formed under my eyes, and my hair that is unkept and sticking in all directions. My skin has grown to a deathly pale color, and my once perfect frame has been starved, making me look frail and sickly.

_The bitter taste in my mouth has never left me…_

I smile weakly; I look kind of like L.

I turn on the faucet and rinse my face with cool water, making me flinch slightly at the contact, but continuing anyways.

-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-

For the first time in three days, I left my room.

I pulled on a baggy white sweater and some baggy blue jeans, ignoring my appearance and leaving my house, ignoring the cries of my family to stay. Hidden in my right pocket is a page from the Death Note, and my left pocket has a small black pen.

I pass by the bakery and the park, regret weighing on my chest and my throat tightening with emptiness. My mouth begins to water as I smell a light strawberry-scent fill the air and I follow the source, and to my dismay, only find a girl spraying on perfume.

I leave abruptly, my eyes stinging with pain and my vision blurs. I stop momentarily under the very same tree we last spent out time together, and I begin to feel a hopelessness fill me, making me feel worse than before.

_Little white flowers will never awaken you…_

The laughing and delightful screams drift into my ears, pulling me into memory of L laughing and his melodic voice soothing me, making me relax and sigh in delight. I blink away the tears that form around my eyes, some even spilling over.

'Why are you crying?'

I jump in surprise and spin around to see a child clutching a toy bear, waiting patiently and staring into my eyes.

The boy was a pale, and had a lithe figure, accented by his raven black hair and his rosy pink lips. His eyes were a beautiful onyx, but I looked deeper and saw slivers of hazel stand out and shine. He continued to stare, 'Sir, why are you crying.'

I smile at him and reach out to ruffle his hair a bit, finding it to be just as soft as L's. 'It's just…I lost a very good friend of mine.' I try to hold back the tears from gathering at my eyes, the weight crushing my chest as I try to swallow sadness.

He continues to stare and his eyes shine with understanding. He grabs my hand and gives it a slight squeeze, trying to comfort me and support me. I scoop him up n my arms and let my tears spill over, rocking him back and forth, but making no noise.

He pats my back and rubs small circles on my back and hum. I feel my eyes droop and grow heavy with drowsiness, almost falling to sleep right then and there. I place the child once again on the ground and wipe my tears.

'Do you feel better now?'

I smile brightly and nod, trying to be happy but my smile never reaches my eyes. He looks at me with concern shining in his eyes, but he says nothing. I sit down in that spot and he begins to hum again, but this time, I let myself go to sleep.

-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-

My eyes flutter open and I look at the sky, gazing at the bright reds and oranges that stain it. I sigh and notice the boy isn't there. I glance around to make sure that he has left and find his small brown bear alone and abandoned, left behind. I reach over and grab it, feeling its soft fur and looking at its black button eyes. I begin to hold the small brown bear close to me, and I realize how pathetic I am, looking to a child for comfort and reassurance.

I notice two figures in the distance and recognize one immediately, it's the small boy from before. But he is holding hands with another boy, who has light brown hair and tan skin, and a much groomed appearance and seeming so organized. They are laughing and playing with no care in the world, genuine smiles present on their faces.

They walk off into the city and I follow them with my eyes till I can no longer see them. I began to reminisce and look back on my time with L. L changed my entire life. Never in my entire life was I so…connected. I actually felt something during our time together, and I actually expressed real, true feelings instead of just fake smiles and 'interest'. He made me feel again, he brightened my life and made me feel so many things, and I can never go back to the old me.

I can never return to that boring life, I refuse to put up my mask again. I reach into my pocket and pull out the paper from my pocket and unfold it neatly, then get out the small black pen.

I scribble down on the paper and once I'm finished, I put the pen down and I watch the sky once again. The sun is setting and I begin to see the changing of colors and what once were shades of orange and red, become dark blues and violets, making my lips pull into a small, tired smile.

I continue to wait impatiently and I finally feel a small, almost unnoticeable tug in my chest. My smile only grows as I see a lone bright star in the distance. A wave of emotions hits me, making me laugh and cry, making me go hysteric. L defeated Kira.

_With the last breath of my soul…_

I begin to see a figure, reaching out to me and hold me, caressing me and rocking me slightly. I inhale and smell the sweet scent of strawberries fill the air, I reach out and feel soft pale skin and I begin to hug back, tears forming and spilling over. I turn my head to face my angel, my light, and I smile, staring into beautiful obsidian eyes and everything begins to fade away.

_I'll be blessing you…_

I gasp and become mesmerized by the beautiful black pools and finally, the angel smiles back. The angel is so beautiful; he takes my breath away…

-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-

'Hello?' I ask, shaking the man under the tree, whose eyes are closed and has a smile across his face. I recognized him from yesterday, the man who looked so lost and alone… I slowly take my bear from the man's grasp, tossing it to the side and kneeling in front of him. I put my fingers under his jaw and stay still.

No pulse.

I pull away in fear, and I search for some kind of murder weapon. I notice a piece of paper and a small black pen at his side, but I find no traces of blood anywhere. I pick up the paper and read it.

'_Soon there'll be flowers _

_And prayers that are sad,_

_I know, let them not weep,_

_Let them know that I'm glad to go…_

_Light Yagami- Heart Broken'_

I jump in surprise when someone begins to cackle loudly and I turn to find a…thing, floating and howling with laughter. I back away, its appearance…black leather, black wings, a wide smile…what is this thing?

The creature stops, 'I'm a shinigami! My name is Ryuk; and I don't see your name? What is your name?' I gasp in surprise and I cover my mouth, I hold back a scream and stay still.

'Lawliet…what are you doing here?' Ryuk just hands me a notebook, 'I want to give you this. It's a Death Note. All you need to know is inside the cover, and do you have any apples?'

I quickly scan over the book and look over at the young man under the tree. 'Who is he?' I ask, feeling curious and intrigued. I scribble down 'Misa Amane' in the book and close the book.

Ryuk laughs once again, 'That's Light Yagami. Or better know as Kira.' My eyes widen as I recognize the name. Kira, he was against L! How I hated Kira for making me and Raito orphans! I grit my teeth and frown, glaring at the dead man.

Ryuk pulls close to me and whispers, 'Light died because of L. He loved L and committed suicide because L died a while ago…'

I begin to feel pity and I no longer feel any anger towards him, I know how it feels to be so close to the one you love, but never being able to quite love them. I sigh and my mind drifts to Raito…

'Lawliet!' I turn to the source and I find Raito running to me with a smile on his face, his light brown hair swaying with every stride he takes.

I smile and I run to him and we embrace, and I relax into his arms. A smile blooms onto my face as I remember the small black book given to me. I hear faintly from the background, 'News just in, Super-model and pop-star Misa Amane has died just seconds ago from a heart attack…' I didn't bother to hear anything else.

'Raito' I call out, 'I want you to see something.'

-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-

Well, that's the ending I came up with. I'm sorry if you don't like it! D: And once again, I'll either do an alternate ending or an epilogue depending on what you guys want…


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